How To Fight Fairly  

Posted by Wanie Idayu

Marriage is not about winning arguments—it's about winning the relationship. When couples fight dirty, they end up prolonging their pain and creating lasting wounds and rifts, but when couples fight fairly, they actually build more understanding and intimacy.

Fighting fairly means conveying your point of view legitimately in order to achieve a consensus.

Eights Rules of Fighting Fairly

1. Never use name-calling, slurs or insults. Also, don't make fun of your partner's body, weight or other things over which they have no control.

2. Never criticize character—criticize behavior. Never refer to the person as being a certain way, rather just refer to their behavior as being a certain way.

3. Never bring your spouse's family into an argument. This will only make your partner more defensive and less willing to hear your perspective.

4. Do not speak in anger. Control your behavior and calm down before you say anything you may later regret.

5. Don't cut each other off. Wait until your partner finishes, then state your point of view.

6. Don't yell. Shouting and screaming is especially harmful for children to witness. There's never an excuse for yelling.

7. Don't go to sleep without resolving an argument. The longer an argument is drawn out, the harder it becomes to end it. It's better to stay up all night and resolve your differences than to go to bed upset.

8. Apologize. If you hurt your spouse, you must apologize. Remember, marriage isn't about proving who's right and who's wrong—it's about having a strong, loving relationship.

Better to lose an argument and win a relationship, than win an argument and lose a friend.

***Be Smart. Save & Earn From Your Prepaid Reload***

Are You Listening or Hearing?  

Posted by Wanie Idayu

It has been 2 weeks ++ since my last post. Things have been terribly terribly crazy for me. There's my Salsa Exam on 21 Oct, then my birthday on 22 Oct, then the Capoeira Workshop which started on 23 Oct and in 3 days in a row, then there's all the wedding preparation which I only have weekends to settle, my working days have been hectic as there are several events coming up in November which are in Turkey & Africa and there a loads of work to be done. So no nothing much can be settled during weekdays....

Anyway, today's post is not about details on how hectic my life has been. It is about how I am so frustrated that I'm not being heard and not being able to say things that I want to say. And not being able to get the other party to listen and understand what you're trying to say, is very very frustrating indeed. I would be like "Are you even listening to what I'm saying???" and if they say yes, then, why did they still get the wrong idea?? Am I telling it wrongly, or am I not speaking clearly? Or even in worst case scenario -you not being able to speak at all!! As the other person is so keen of talking that they did not even gave you the chance of replying/talking back. Then you started doubting yourself -maybe I am wrong, maybe I did not speak out my point clearly otherwise how did this misunderstanding/argument occured? After countless nights of wondering why, why, why, Thank God, suddenly today, this article fell down to my "lap" ;) On what is the difference between listening and hearing. I hope this article can benefit you the same way it benefit me. :) Here's for a better understanding and better communication in life...

How many times have you been frustrated by someone who is not listening to what you are saying? How many times have you frustrated others by not listening to them?

People tend to think that listening is the same as hearing, but the truth is, listening is hearing PLUS understanding.

Often times during a conversation we jump in to say what is on our minds even before we acknowledge or register what the other person is saying. This ‘butting-in’ short circuits the possibility of a mutual understanding between you and the other speaker, even if you did not deliberately set out to break the flow of conversation.

How do you know when a person is not listening? It is usually easy to sense this. Tell-tale signs are poor eye contact, shuffling feet, busy hands, and meaningless replies like, “That’s interesting…”, “Oh really?”, “Uh huh…” etc. A fake listener’s lack of interest in the conversation can also reflect an even more annoying reality – his or her lack of interest in the speaker.

Most people don't listen with the intent to understand, but listen only with the intent to reply. Even at work, where performance takes priority over relationships, listening carefully to understand the other person's point of view before you even think about replying is the key to productive communication.

Careful listening is difficult and takes practice to improve. Next time you get into a conversation, try to ‘care enough’ to understand what the other person is saying.

***Be Smart. Save & Earn From Your Prepaid Reload***