Are you suspicious that your significant other is playing the field? Here, one man shares 9 relationship red flags that may signal some extracurricular irregularities.

When you get suspicious that your significant other is cheating, be careful not to appear to be paranoid. You have to walk a fine line -- you don't want to make false accusations.

So, while I'm sharing this list of cheating red flags, I concede that it's a tricky situation. It's hard to be sure if someone's cheating, but protect yourself: Be vigilant, and pay attention to your mind and spirit within the relationship. But, at the same time, be careful not to let anxiety lead the way because unnecessary paranoia will just drive your lover away. Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating:

1. Less Sex
Unless he's Superman, he can only have so much sex. So, if he's getting it from another source, you might notice. Whether it's another woman or a porn addiction -- even if he's not cheating -- a decrease in sex signals serious issues in the relationship.

2. Jumpy Cell Phone Habits
In a perfect world, we'd be open about sharing our correspondence with our significant others. Most of the time, we trust that we don't have to worry about who is texting or calling them. But, if you notice that he is getting protective and/or nervous when he gets calls or texts, it may be cause for alarm.

3. Gushing or Talking About Someone Suddenly
You know that exhilarating feeling you get when you meet someone new and exciting? You want to tell the world about him. One of my exes began talking about a guy a lot near the end of our relationship -- he just always seemed to be at her social gatherings that I didn't happen to attend. Sure enough, after she dumped me, she began dating him.

4. Disconnecting
Even though relationships ebb and flow naturally, if you're sensing that he's drawing away from you, then there may be someone else. Emotional disconnection should be investigated regardless of whether it's caused by cheating. There's a problem if he's not laughing or seeming as passionate as usual. It's hard to spread love/passion between two people, so the person who used to have it will feel it slipping away if it's being given to someone else.

5. He's Pulling "Houdinis"
If he's disappearing, traveling, or unavailable to the point where you are starting to wonder, then he could be cheating. Also, these times tend to take on a pattern because it's tough to synch up schedules, especially in secret.

6. His Friends Are Acting Strange
His friends will certainly remain loyal to him in most cases. They will not let you know what's going on, but they will definitely be racked with guilt, and their behavior may change slightly when they are around you while protecting his secret.

7. He's Being Caught in Lies About Other Things
If you catch him in a lie, your trust will naturally be damaged. Don't hold a grudge -- forgiveness is a good thing. You can forgive, but don't forget. If he consistently breaches your trust, it's establishing a pattern of behavior that leads to cheating. Do yourself a favor: If he keeps lying, whether these lies are big or small, get out while you can and don't let him talk his way back in.

8. Been There, Done That
I always say: "Once a cheater, always a cheater." If he's done it before, he's definitely capable of doing it again. It has nothing to do with you, which is why you can't say that he cheated on his previous lover because she didn't keep him happy. Cheating is a self-serving act in which the cheater doesn't take his significant other into consideration. If someone is upfront with you that he's made mistakes in the past, maybe give them a chance --— but make it a long probationary period before you let your guard down.
9. Your Gut Tells You So
Don't ignore your sixth sense. People are gifted at sensing when something doesn't feel right. Whether there are red flags in your relationship that are clueing you in or not, if something feels off, don't ignore this feeling. Usually that suspicion is correct, and something intangible may have led to you figuring it all out.

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Marriage is not about winning arguments—it's about winning the relationship. When couples fight dirty, they end up prolonging their pain and creating lasting wounds and rifts, but when couples fight fairly, they actually build more understanding and intimacy.

Fighting fairly means conveying your point of view legitimately in order to achieve a consensus.

Eights Rules of Fighting Fairly

1. Never use name-calling, slurs or insults. Also, don't make fun of your partner's body, weight or other things over which they have no control.

2. Never criticize character—criticize behavior. Never refer to the person as being a certain way, rather just refer to their behavior as being a certain way.

3. Never bring your spouse's family into an argument. This will only make your partner more defensive and less willing to hear your perspective.

4. Do not speak in anger. Control your behavior and calm down before you say anything you may later regret.

5. Don't cut each other off. Wait until your partner finishes, then state your point of view.

6. Don't yell. Shouting and screaming is especially harmful for children to witness. There's never an excuse for yelling.

7. Don't go to sleep without resolving an argument. The longer an argument is drawn out, the harder it becomes to end it. It's better to stay up all night and resolve your differences than to go to bed upset.

8. Apologize. If you hurt your spouse, you must apologize. Remember, marriage isn't about proving who's right and who's wrong—it's about having a strong, loving relationship.

Better to lose an argument and win a relationship, than win an argument and lose a friend.

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The evergreen topic -Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

Oprah & Friends XM Radio host Rabbi Shmuley Boteach talks about the ground rules for platonic relationships between men and women.

Can men and women be "just friends," or is sexual attraction between the sexes always inevitable? According to Rabbi Shmuley, men and women can be friends with members of the opposite sex, as long as they follow certain rules. He talks about platonic friendship between the sexes and shares his ground rules for opposite-sex friendships outside of marriage.

If a person isn't married, Rabbi Shmuley says it's perfectly all right to have friends who are members of the opposite sex. Society has moved away from polarizing the sexes, and today, men and women work together, go to school together and should be able to be friends, he says.

Things are different if you are married, Rabbi Shmuley says. It is possible to have an opposite sex friendship, but you cannot compromise certain borders:

(1) You can't go out to late night dinners together. You can have lunch together in a public place, but you should not order alcoholic beverages. "The embers of attraction really can grow in situations like that, and suddenly it's not so innocent, it's not just friendship anymore," Rabbi Shmuley says.

(2) You can't take long drives or long flights with the other person, even if it's for work. "Even if you have to work with a colleague [of the opposite sex], there are still certain boundaries you need to preserve," he says.

(3) You cannot place yourself in any situation where romance can grow. "Romance grows when people are alone; romance grows when people tell secrets," Rabbi Shmuley says.

(4) You can't share secrets with a platonic male or female friend that you don't share with your spouse. "Because then you're sharing an exclusivity with a member of the opposite sex that you're not with your partner, and that can lead to a big no-no," he says.

(5) You should not be friends with ex-lovers.

Wanie Idayu: Any other rules to add-in? ;)

Source: Oprah.com

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Tongue-tied? Want to show your date that you’re a keeper? Utter a few of these key phrases to make your sweetie melt... and no, one of them is not “You look great tonight”! ;)

Key phrase #1: “Tell me more about it”
Congratulations, you two have graduated beyond small talk and have delved into a meatier topic—namely, a problem she’s struggling with at work or in some other area of her life. You, in a sincere effort to be helpful, offer her a solution. Suddenly, that bonding moment you two were carefully cultivating freezes over as your date icily says, “Well, it’s not that easy...” What happened? In short, you gave unsolicited advice, an all-too-common conversational faux pas—especially for men, who are often accused of trying to “fix” women’s problems. Both genders, however, should take care to hold their tongue at any point they’re tempted to offer a solution. Instead, encourage your date to keep talking by saying, “Tell me more about it.”

Tip: Stop trying to fix your date’s problems; instead, encourage them to vent.

I’m not saying you should never share your brilliant ideas; just be sure to give them space to vent for awhile. Then — and this is crucial — ask for their permission with, “Would you like my advice?” If you’ve given your date ample time to get things off their chest, they’ll be more than happy to listen.

Key phrase #2: “What are the reasons for your opinion?”
Oh, no: Your date’s in favor of the war in Iraq. You, on the other hand, have marched in every peace protest within a hundred-mile radius of your hometown. I'm not saying you two are doomed; in fact, butting heads a bit is a great way to get to know each other, not to mention make some sparks fly. So by all means share your opinion—just do so after you’ve asked your date theirs with a diplomatic “What are the reasons for your opinion?” This, my friends, is the difference between an engaging conversation and an instant turn-off.

Key phrase #3: “I never thought of it that way”
Want to make your date’s day? That’s simple: After they’ve explained their viewpoint on anything from a current event to a celeb’s odd behavior, ponder the comment and say, “I never thought of it that way.” Saying this doesn’t mean you think your date is a genius, it merely shows that you’re being influenced by their thoughts and opinions. And once someone senses that you respect their ideas, the ensuing ego boost will keep them coming back for more. (Note: This comment works wonders when combined with key phrase #2.)

Key phrase #4: “That must have upset you”
One moment, the person sitting across from you is ranting non-stop about how her younger brother borrowed her car and totaled it while speeding. But the minute you try to jump on the bashing bandwagon by saying “Your brother sure sounds like a loose cannon!” or some such, your date suddenly makes an about-face and says, “Actually, my brother has his flaws but he is a great guy. I’m sure you weren’t perfect when you were 22, either.” Is your date schizo? Hardly. The real problem is, you took sides—and insulted someone your date cares for deeply, in spite of the occasional gripes they might have. Stay neutral and say something sympathetic like “That must have upset you,” or “I can understand how that would annoy you.” This way, you show compassion and empathy without hitting any landmines.

Key phrase #5: “How did it go?”
Sooner or later, your date may mention an upcoming event that’s important to them, whether it’s a third-round job interview, a granddad’s triple-bypass operation, or a best friend’s wedding. Take note when you hear them, since they will turn into prime opportunities to show your date you were listening later with a “So how did that interview/surgery/wedding go?” While it may seem obvious to follow up on occurrences like this, they are easy to forget, especially if they’re not of life-and-death magnitude. Or, your date may soon squander your chance by volunteering the information with a “So my interview went well...” Bottom line is, dates do like to be asked about things they’ve mentioned to you already—make a point of ponying up as soon as you see them and they’ll think, “Wow, how thoughtful.”

Key phrase #6: “You are a really generous person”
Many people, especially men, are quick with the compliments: “You have the most gorgeous eyes,” “You look beautiful in that dress.” Your date will love it, at first. But then the compliments wear off and so does their interest in you. What’s going on? Problem is, you’re focused on superficial qualities when people often prefer to be recognized for who they are on the inside. One’s personality, warmth, generosity, compassion—these things are permanent. So try complimenting an internal quality. Say something like, “It was so thoughtful of you to ______ (for example, “go out of your way to meet me here”), or “You are a ______ (fill-in with “caring” “honest,” etc…) person. I really like that about you.”

Key phrase #7: “I really admire that”
Everyone loves to be admired and loves to be around people who admire them. So, look for opportunities to make your date feel proud. If your date shares a story about how he took a risk, switched jobs and ended up in a better position, say something like, “That takes courage. I admire that.” If your date tells you a story about how he or she got a friend out of a bind, say “I admire that kind of loyalty.” How do you know your comments are winning your date over? You’ll see an instant smile.

***Be Smart. Save & Earn From Your Prepaid Reload***

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It’s all about being able to chat people up—wherever, whenever the opportunity strikes. Here’s a simple plan for doing just that.

Don’t be afraid to use gestures that say, “I’d like to chat with you”—whether that means a smile, a nod, a wave or just eyebrows raised in expectation. Say you have to wait in line at a fast food restaurant, or waiting for your drinks to be ready at Starbucks, and you saw a cute guy, try smiling at him. People need encouragement that it's OK for them to come over and talk to you. I've done it many times before; and it always have a positive outcome. So take your chances, you may get new friends if not more ;)

How to practice it: Even though it may seem bold, smiling at strangers is the top way to let them know it’s safe to break through. Try it on everyone and anyone: The beleaguered workers at the post office, a harried mother in front of you at the checkout aisle, or even the toddler sitting in her cart. As you get used to being a smiler, you’ll start doing it naturally—including at the people you most want to meet.

Trick #2: Be the one to talk first...
Anyone can talk back to someone, but real people-meeters know the trick is starting a chat out of the blue. The secret lies in seeing the world around you as full of opportunities to talk, versus waiting to be spoken to.

How to do it: In order to break the ice with people you want to date, it helps to start with people you’d normally never speak to—say, the married guy in another department at work or a grandma at the bus stop. Since you’re not worried about whether they’ll shoot you down, you can truly be yourself and get used to talking to perfect strangers. You have to get comfortable doing it, or you’ll hesitate when you see someone in particular who you want to talk to. If you have to think about what to say or feel self-conscious, you’ll hesitate, and the moment will be gone.

Trick #3: Work your chit-chat charm
OK, what the heck should you talk about? The experts advise finding something that you two share—that could easily be something in your environment, like the weather or the huge new billboard that went up across the street. Or it could be something in the world around you, like a big verdict that was announced on the news earlier in the day or the fact that the next day is officially the longest day of the year.

How to practice it: Work on having an opinion or asking for the other person’s view of things, rather than just throwing a remark out there. So if you’re in the cereal aisle, don’t mutter to yourself, “Wow, expensive...” Turn to the object of your affection and say, “Wow, can you believe it? Almost six dollars for this! Is it just this brand or are they all so pricey?” Similarly, if you’re in line for lunch and the folks behind the deli counter are taking their time, don’t just say, “Gee, this line is moving so slowly.” Instead, try to get some playful banter going by saying, “I’ll bet you a little bag of chips that we’re not out of here by 1 P.M.” The idea is, open the door to a chat rather than just toss off a remark.

Trick #4: Then stop talking...
The secret of charming people around you is knowing when to stop yapping and start listening. People aren’t used to having other people really listen to them, so that’s how we win a lot of people over. So whether you're remarking about an old hit song that just came on or asking someone at Starbucks which shaker has cocoa and which has cinnamon and does it really make a difference; open the door to a chat and then shut it to hear what the other person have to say. The new acquaintance walks away feeling connected to you since you lavished on that personal attention.

How to practice it: Next time you start a conversation, make an effort to ask the person you’re chatting with at least three questions before making another observation of your own. That will get you in the groove of letting the other person open up to you... and make them feel appreciated. And when they feel appreciated, chances are, they’ll want to continue that conversation. ;)

***Be Smart. Save & Earn From Your Prepaid Reload***

I used to get heavily critiqued when I posted this in my Frienster blog 3 years ago. I'm posting it here now for fun.

Words of Wisdom From Sex & The City

To all my lady friends, read this… It make good sense. Don’t be so blind. Errr… the guys can read also, as a guideline. ;) heh.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.


Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Don't force an attraction.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

There's ONLY ONE 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

Always put yourself and your happiness first.

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

If he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.

Be honest and upfront.

Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.

Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).

If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.

You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.

Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself - double standard.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!

Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.

If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.

Actions speak louder than words.

Never let a man define who you are.

NEVER rely on a man for compliments, look to YOURSELF for that.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.

To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.

Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.

Love is a verb ....

Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.

If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.

You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

***Be Smart. Save & Earn From Your Prepaid Reload***

***Be Smart. Save & Earn From Your Prepaid Reload***

Guys, sit up & pay attention again! Don't just push your face to ours :p

***Be Smart. Save & Earn From Your Prepaid Reload***

Guys, sit back straight & pay attention! The mystery is now solved! NO more wondering whether we are interested or not! ;)

Five signs your date is into you…


1. She tilts her head

When a woman sees and feels especially comfortable with a man, she will tilt her head. A tilt in any direction — right, left or down — are all signs that she's interested in getting to know you better — say, over another date.

2. She takes a sip when you take a sip

When a woman is drawn to a guy, she'll instinctively mirror his actions, Hartley says. While men do this, too, women are more likely than men to first begin the copying. What should you look for? You might notice she will shift her body in the same direction as yours or take your lead for behavior changes like picking up a glass to drink or blinking her eyes repeatedly if you're doing so. If you want to test her, lean forward and see if she comes closer, too.

3. She twirls her hair

Since the beginning of time, a woman's hair has been celebrated as a symbol of her sexuality. And it's true today. If your date begins twirling or playing with her hair while talking to you, it is a good sign she's into you and subconsciously trying to attract you.

4. She gets a glow

While blushing often means embarrassment, don't assume that her rosy cheeks are an indication of discomfort. When a woman is sexually aroused and attracted, blood flows not only to her nether regions, but also to her face, which causes her cheeks to get redder. And if your date is smitten, he adds, her lips and even eyelids will get fuller, too, he says.

5. Her pupils dilate

While your gaze is fixed on her, pay particular attention to her pupils. When a woman is attracted to a man, her pupils will dilate. Essentially, the body does this in order to allow itself to take in more of a good thing.

…and five signs your date is not into you

1. She crosses her arms

Did she assume the angry librarian stance? When a woman on a date places her hands in front of her body — especially if they are crossed — she is closing herself off from the man. If you get this red flag, you don't stand a chance… and she wants you to know it. Men are not nearly as perceptive as women, so even if she's not consciously aware of it, a woman knows her body language needs to be very loud. In this instance, that body language reads loud and clear.

2. She places her bag between you two

When I ask male friends how a blind date went, step-by-step, and they say 'she put her bag on the table, I always know that's a bad sign. If your date places her purse — a real and physical barrier — between you two, she's showing she wants to create distance. Not a good sign.

3. She speaks faster than an auctioneer

So she seems to love talking to you? Before you break open the bubbly, note the speed of her small talk. Romantic conversation does not occur at the same speed as business conversation. Conversation between two people who are attracted typically slows to about three-quarter speed and softens. In fact, most emotional conversation — with the exception of very hostile conversation — is at a slowed cadence. That said, she may be nervous early in your first date, and her nerves can cause her to spit her sentences out rapid-fire. But if by the end of the evening she's still going at a rapid rate, consider it a clue that she just wants to be friends at best.

4. She offers you a chin-up smile

Though it's tempting to interpret any old smile as a sign of interest, all smiles are not created equal. Smiles can say a lot — "I'm polite," "I'm crazy about you," and, believe it or not, "I can't stand you." The secret to decoding what her smile really means? It's all in the chin placement. A woman who gives you a relaxed, chin-down "soft smile" is smitten and wants you to dig her back. A full-on toothpaste grin or stiff and polite smile — both of which generally involve the chin raised up — mean either "I like you as a friend" or "I wanna get out of here!"

5. She strokes her neck

If your date's telling you she agrees that you should get together again, that's a good sign, right? Maybe. Her body language may be the key to the real truth. If a woman is gently stroking her neck when telling you this, it may be a sign that she's interested, but it is also known to be a sign of lying. To figure out which message she's sending, consider the aforementioned "she's not into you" signals. If she's also giving you the raised-chin smile and speaking to you over a giant purse, you may want to move on to your next prospect. ;)

Wanie Idayu: Guys, now you know that the signs that we are not interested are not that subtle after all ;) It is easier to tell when we are not interested.

The other side of this article 5 Signs He's Into You.

You might also be interested in 5 Women Every Guy's Gotta Date

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I found this article a while ago & thought it would be useful to some of my really hot & nice cingle girlfriends. So look out for these signs girls!! Hope this helps! :)

And guys, please tell me if the signs are correct or incorrect OK? It'll be a BIIIGGGGG help to all girls in need if you can give some heads up.

Article by Chelsea Kaplan

Having trouble figuring out your guy's level of interest in you? Sometimes, the proof is in his body language. To understand what your honey's movement, eye contact and even posture reveal about his true feelings for you, check out these hints:

Five signs your date is into you…

1. He closes the distance

Moving in closer indicates a desire for more intimate contact. So if a guy you're talking to at a party inches a little closer as you talk, or your date slides into the same side of the booth as you, you know he wants to get to know you better—and not as a friend.

2. He speaks softly

When a man talks in a quieter voice, he's indicating that what he's saying is for your ears only. If he's telling you something private or secret, it's a good thing—guys don't do that to women they're not into. If you want to let that soft-talker know you feel the same way, respond in kind, which should quickly turn those sparks into an all-out fire. Caveat: If you're in a loud bar or restaurant, where you have to shout to be heard, you can't tell anything by his decibel level. So wait until you're walking or driving home to see whether he's turned the volume down.

3. He rounds his posture

Hypermasculine body language (think: swaggering walk, standing tall with shoulders back and chin up, etc.) serves to attract women from a distance. But when a guy is talking close-up with a woman he likes, he will soften, or "round" his body language. If your guy's squared shoulders cave in when he's chatting with you, he's indicating that he feels comfortable and secure in your presence.

4. He talks slowwwly

Like birds in a mating dance, men typically talk more slowly and softly when they are attracted to someone. Of course, if he knocked back a few gigante lattes on a first date, he may be too wired (and nervous) to sound like Barry White, but give it time: If his speech starts to make you feel sleepy, he's a goner.

5. He can't take his eyes off you (in a good way)

So his eyes are locked on yours? As long as it isn't a psycho stare, but rather a lingering, heavy-lidded, "Wow, you're amazing" gaze, that guy is digging you big-time. :)

..and 5 signs your date is not into you

1. He's four feet away

If his motto may as well be The Police's "Don't Stand So Close to Me", he's not feelin' you romantically. How do you define "distance"? If he remains four feet or more away from you, it is a clear signal that his heart's not in it.

2. He stands at an oblique angle facing you

Most men do not realize that when talking to another man, they stand at oblique angles, with one shoulder facing the other's face, yet when they talk to women — especially ones we're interested in romantically — they stand face-to-face with them. So, f your guy's shoulder is pointing in the direction of your face during conversation, he's subconsciously showing disinterest or is trying to turn you off.

3. He sounds like that guy in accounting

If your date is talking to you like you're someone at the office — meaning the pace is quick and the level of his voice is rather strong —he's probably just trying to keep it to friend level. With time, you might notice a change — after all, he just might want to keep it "professional" on the first date or two while he gets to know you — but if it remains this way after a few dates, cut your losses.

4. He stares at your mouth

When a guy focuses on your lips, what he's really trying to do is avoid eye contact. If he's avoiding eye contact, you can pretty safely assume he's not into you. If your date fixes his gaze below your face, he's probably interested in you, but perhaps not for a long-term relationship, if you know what I mean…

5. He's out of sync with your body language

When a guy is romantically interested in you, he will mimic your body language, so if he doesn't copy you, gesture for gesture, odds are he isn't smitten. To test the waters, try leaning in closer to your date, using your hands to emphasize what you're saying. If your guy does the same, it's a great sign. But if he keeps his hands still, pulls away or takes a step backwards, he may be unavailable or just plain not interested.

For the other side of this story, read 5 Signs She's Into You.

***Be Smart. Save & Earn From Your Prepaid Reload***

Choosing Life Partner

Especially for those of u who are not married. And those who are, u can review your married life based on these. So please take time off n go thru the stuff coz it really makes sense.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love. "I believe is the #1mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may not sound politically correct, there's a profound truth here.

Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot MORE!

Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding AND keeping a life partner.

QUESTION # 1
Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 to 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat, sex and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage.1.You can grow together, or 2.You can grow apart. 50 % of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing. If the so & so you're in love with; doesn't want the same thing you do; you might as well opt out of it now than when its too late.

QUESTION # 2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust. i.e trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION # 3:
Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing" So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in this world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You needto know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION # 4:
How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following:
1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, busboy, taxi driver, etc.?
2. How do they treat parents and siblings?
3. Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
4. Do they show respect?If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who cant do nearly as much for them!
5. Do they gossip and speak badly about others?Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION # 5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage and for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. There is no point in putting restrictions on your life partner. If you love him/her you will accept him/her as they are.

In conclusion, selecting your partner doesn’t have to be difficult & treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are selecting, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

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Experience taught me to never give excuse to any man, ever. He didn’t call –he’s just not interested, you're not in his mind, you're not important enough to call, etc etc. He didn’t ask to see you –again, he’s just not interested, you're not in his mind, you're not important enough to spend some of his time. As simple as that. Don’t think about the maybes… he’s busy wif his work.. bla bla bla.. Just, don’t! Coz there’s just no excuse. Wanna talk about work? U will have work ‘till you die. Unless you get very, very lucky. No time to meet up / go out for date? There’s always the phone. Still very very busy? 5 minutes to just ask how you are, that he can’t see you but would very much want to, he can’t talk long… bla bla bla. Still no time? Then, it’s back to –you're not important enough for him to make that call. Heh.

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To all my guy friends, read this up!! (Girl frens are most welcome as well!!). It’s pretty interesting… ;) Heh. I would like to think I’ve each & every type in me, but which one do u think most reflects me? And which one(s) have you dated? Feedback please!!

5 WOMEN EVERY GUY'S GOTTA DATE

Before settling down, these are the gals every man should date. Why? For the connection you two feel, of course, but also for the relationship lessons each one will teach you.With so many amazing women out there, how do you know which one is right for you? The honest truth is, you don’t really—that is, unless you get out there and date. The more relationship skills you learn and the more experiences you have, the more prepared you’ll be when true love finally comes. Of course, no one is saying you should go through life with a little checklist titled “Women to Date,” but spending time getting to know and appreciate these women can be a wonderful thing. Take a look at who they are and why you should go out with them.

Type #1: The Older Woman
If you haven’t tried dating up the age chain, you don’t know what you’ve been missing. Mature women have been places, seen things, and have a sophistication and wisdom that you, my young friend, can—and should—soak up like a sponge. Older women know who they are and what they want. Spend time with one and you’ll gain a terrific perspective on life, and realize that being a desirable woman doesn’t mean being a woman younger than you are.

Type #2: The Guy’s Girl
Every guy needs to experience that rare breed of gal who looks and talks like a woman, but loves sports, beer, and action flicks—in short, who acts like a guy. The guy’s girl is often so similar to you that you forget to censor yourself around her—a good thing, because it causes you to be more comfortable around women in general. You’ll let your guard down more, just as you would around your guy friends. You’ll learn that women can offer you friendship that you don’t have to reserve for your own gender. We’re not saying you’ll be staging belching contests with all your future loves, but you will realize that there’s no reason to walk on eggshells around the person you’re dating. You can just be yourself—which is what all women want anyway.

Type #3: The Free Spirit
This girl always stops to smell the roses. Think Drew Barrymore, Goldie Hawn, Claire from Six Feet Under. She’s totally creative, spiritual, spontaneous—maybe a tad ditzy—and she relies more on instinct and inspiration than reason and good planning. Why is this good for you? Because let’s face it: Guys are goal-oriented. They like game plans and spreadsheets; road maps and instruction manuals. That’s why sometimes we need a free spirit to fly into our lives and shake us free of our rigid ways. A woman like this can tap a man’s creativity in ways no one else has. She shows him that not everything has to be perfect or planned.

Type #4: The Brainy Chick
In the dating game, looks often trump intelligence—guys go for hotties rather than girls who can stand their ground in a heated debate. This is really a shame, since not only can the sharp ones keep your mind from turning to putty, they can help you appreciate all facets of a woman and even handle those times in your life when you don’t know it all. Men are so often intimidated by smart women—they have vulnerable egos and never want to feel as if any woman is showing them up. Sure, dating a woman who can beat you at chess or argue circles around you about Middle East politics might be a bit of a blow to your ego at first, but ultimately, you’ll grow from it.

Type #5: The Seductress
Every man fantasizes about dating a girl who has an, um, healthy libido and is extremely creative in bed. The good news: These girls actually exist—and if you date one, you’ll be a much better man for it. But it’s not for the reason you might think. Every guy needs to get this type of girl out of his system. Because he’ll quickly realize that sex alone cannot sustain a relationship. It was cool at first, but soon he began to want something more. There was nothing else there, no romance and not much conversation. Sure, hot sex still ranks high on his wish list, but now you will want a girl you can also really relate to and bond with. And that’s a very valuable lesson. ;)

By Jonathan Small
Source: Match.com, Happenmag

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